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Extra-Tiny Water Molecules

Ionic Cleansing Facial Steamer Credit: SkyMall/Hammacher Schlemmer

Thank you, SkyMall catalog. Not only do you provide distraction during seemingly endless flights to destinations around the world, you’ve also given me a good laugh on this humdrum Friday.

And thank you, Leverett Smith, a Newscripts reader from El Cerrito, Calif., for sending in the SkyMall advertisement that delighted me so.

SkyMall, not content just to sell fascinating specialty products like orthopedic dog couches and wall-mountable battle armor, is now reinventing science.

Behold, The Ionic Cleansing Facial Steamer! This device “produces ionic steam that penetrates deep into pores to provide deep cleansing that rejuvenates and refreshes skin,” the ad reads. “The unit emits steam molecules that are 1/8,000 smaller than normal
water molecules,
allowing more moisture to reach deep into the keratin layer and remove impurities while elevating moisture and sebum levels to revitalize skin.”

For only $299.95, this miracle product can be yours, folks. And let’s not forget to get some chemophobia in there: “Eliminating the need
for harsh chemicals or costly soaps,” the ad continues, “the device uses ordinary tap water and its warm mist opens pores to remove dead skin cells, leaving skin soft and smooth, and improving its tone.” Yup, those costly soaps will definitely set you back more than this steamer, and those harsh chemicals, why, they’ll melt your face off.

Smith didn’t have much to say about the ad—it really speaks for itself—but he adds that “ ACS members will doubtless be able, on their own, to come up with a myriad of possible applications for those extra-tiny water molecules.”

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